I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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