Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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