Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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