Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
