But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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