I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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