Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
