Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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