five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
