I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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