I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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