Plan B is the new Plan A
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
