Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize