wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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