I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
