And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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