I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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