grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
