There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
