don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
