Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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