She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
