I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
