well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize