i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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