How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
