is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize