I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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