sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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