The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
