So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
