Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
