happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
