Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
