Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
