I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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