isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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