just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
