At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
