i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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