I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
