Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
