My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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