Screwed.edu
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
