I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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