How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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