My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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