Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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