I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I FOUND THE LEGS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
