Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
