this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
