He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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