My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
