I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
