It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
