My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
