Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
