I puked a lego.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
