does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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