No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
