Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
