He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
