I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
