I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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