The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
