you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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