tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How's work?
Spinning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize