I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
