I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
