haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
