my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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