Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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