i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
