and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Randomize
