just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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