ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
