I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
