If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
