Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
