There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
