There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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