Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
