I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
